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Monday, December 13, 2010

How my Blurb got Changed - for the better!

Hello Fellow Writers!

So since I have a new book coming out on Wednesday ( Ginger Snap, which will be coming out on December 15th from Ellora's Cave) I went to the buy link, you know, just to...look at it, lol. Just because I love being able to say I have another book coming out, and I love seeing my name on a book cover, even if it is a pen name. Yeah, I'm silly like that. Anyway, I noticed that the blurb I had previously submitted had been changed to a much better blurb!

Blurbs are notoriously difficult to write, and I'm all for anyone who can take what I've written and make it better. And they did!

Then I realized - this might help other writers create better blurbs. So, in the interest of knowledge, I'm sharing my before and after blurbs. 

Here's my original:
When Holly sits on Tom’s lap to tell him what she wants for Christmas she knows she’s naughty enough to get a lump of coal—but she never expected to get a hand of ginger root. Peeled ginger up her bottom burns like crazy without causing any actual harm—so the punishment can go on as long as naughty Holly deserves.

Ginger-figging has been used since Victorian times to keep girls from clenching against a proper caning because—as Holly finds out, clenching with ginger up her bottom has her begging for mercy—and more turned-on than she’s ever been. From now on Holly has to be on her best behavior—because she knows if she’s bad, she’ll be ginger-figged!
 And here's what they changed it to:
When Holly sits on Tom’s lap to tell him what she wants for Christmas, she knows she’s naughty enough to get a lump of coal—but she never expected to get a hand of ginger root. Peeled ginger in her bottom burns like crazy without causing any actual harm—so the punishment can go on as long as naughty Holly deserves.

Ginger-figging has been used since Victorian times to keep girls from clenching against a proper caning because, as Holly finds out, clenching around ginger has her begging for mercy—and more turned-on than she’s ever been. From now on Holly should be on her best behavior…but with this sort of punishment, it’s more fun to be bad.
I really like the new one a lot. They changed "clenching with ginger up her bottom" (and actually, I had used the word a**) to " clenching around ginger", which is way more classy, if you can use the word classy and ginger-figging in the same sentence, lol.

And then they key - they changed the last sentence from "From now on Holly has to be on her best behavior—because she knows if she’s bad, she’ll be ginger-figged!" to "From now on Holly should be on her best behavior…but with this sort of punishment, it’s more fun to be bad."

Getting rid of the exclamation point really helped make it seem less cheesy (which is good, because I don't think the actual book is particularly cheesy), and it also shows that for Holly, the punishment is 100% consensual.

So there ya have it. Do you like writing blurbs, or do you prefer someone else to write them for you?

4 comments:

  1. As you know my DH is looking forward to reading this! :) We'll be buying it Wednesday.

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  2. It's amazing what a difference a little tweak can make. Congrats on the new book release! Only a couple more days to wait!

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  3. I'm usually torn...If I write it myself, I know it will accurately reflect the book, but I'm terrible at blurb writing and spend a lot of time struggling with it. Hmmmm. To do or not to do...

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